I arrived at the topic of self-trust quite accidentally while conducting research interviews for my new coaching packages. Each participant, in her own way, spoke of how she didn’t do certain things in her life due to fear, uncertainty and self-doubt;
- If you trust yourself, you do not fear speaking up in meetings.
- If you trust yourself, you do not hesitate to ask to be paid what you are worth.
- If you trust yourself, you do not pretend your life goals are different from what they are through fear of judgement.
I was talking to intelligent, capable, funny and interesting women. Still, they didn’t see it themselves, they didn’t trust themselves. Hence, their actions and voices were quiet, uncertain and lacking determination.
It was clear to me how crucial it is for each of us to feel a sense of trust within ourselves. Yet, the more I came to understand the importance of self-trust, the more I saw how many of us do not have it, relying instead on external validation.
When we are small children (without realising it), we know ourselves wholeheartedly. We eat when we want to, we run and laugh and play without hesitation, we love without fear of judgement and proudly state when growing up, we will be astronauts. We grow up embracing our uniqueness and, fearless. But, the older we get, the more this inner compass gets pushed away. Replaced by the loud drum of the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others. We doubt ourselves, preferring to seek validation from external sources, and, the more we do this, the more we lose touch with ourselves.
The problem is when we put our self-worth and self-acceptance in the hands of others, it can be taken away just as quickly as it was given. We become dependant on “likes” follows and comments rather than connection. When trying to make a decision, we ask as many people as we can before quietly taking a few moments with ourselves to discover the answer. We don’t speak up at work in case we are judged. We follow ridiculous diets because we have lost touch with our bodies. We stay in a job we hate because we think we “should”.
Should is the opposite of self-trust.
I don’t actually think it is possible to completely ignore the outside world and their opinions. Still, I wholeheartedly believe it is possible to reduce their volume and turn up the noise of your own.
So, what exactly is self-trust?
Self-trust is your inner GPS, its the voice inside you guiding you in the decisions you make and the life you lead. It is a home within yourself; a place of self-acceptance, self-worth and self-kindness. It is when you know your values, and you live by them, you know your purpose, and it brings you joy.
But is it possible to find your self-trust again when you have lost touch with it? Absolutely. As with all aspects of wellbeing, it takes time and patience, but, if attention is paid and care is given, strengthening your self-trust muscle is possible.
The good news is I have created a gentle formula to guide anyone in this process, and I cannot wait to share it with you.