Last week I launched the website for my business, and oh my it felt vulnerable. Incredible, of course, but exposing and scary too. I had anticipated the excitement, but less so all the feelings self-doubt. Maybe I was naive not to expect them, but, naive or not there, they were ruining all my fun. It reminded me of my GCSE’s aged 16 when I worked so hard throughout only to find finishing them a crushing disappointment. This time, however, it wasn’t an exam board marking my efforts; it was the court of public opinion. Hearing nothing from the exam board was excellent, right in fact but hearing crickets after launching my website would be heart-breaking.
The process of getting the site ready was fun, but it was just that – a process. I was comfy sitting in the space between a project starting and its completion. It felt safe there. I wasn’t visible yet, but I was hopeful as soon my shop doors would be open, so to speak. I could confidently say “my website isn’t finished yet” in answer to any questions about self-employment as though my website was the only thing stopping me from total-coaching-domination.
Then the site went live. And like a tidal wave of emotion, the self-doubt came crashing in. Now I was open for business and all of a sudden it was very, very real.
But, the thing I realised is this; when we chase our dreams, and we put ourselves on show (because that is what we must do, we must be visible and make a sound and be brave and be bold), there is a chance of rejection. We walk on stage and we share who we are but it will always come with the possibility of disappointment or psychological risk.
So, the question is do we hide and stay safe or do we take chances and potentially thrive?
I have resided in both camps. Significantly longer in the former, festering and brooding and constantly procrastinating desperate to move but terrified to do so. So, last week, when my website launched, I took myself out of hiding and braved it on to the big open stage of the world-wide-web unsure if the audience would be 1 or 100’s. However, the size of the audience didn’t matter. Launching my business was as much for me as it was for my future clients. Going live with my website was my moment to be bold, to be brave and bloody scared but to not let the fear stop me.
To be visible is to be vulnerable, yet there is no other way, not really, and I am ok with this now.